'I say right from the get-go that I only want a casual relationship but they all think I'll change my mind once I get to know them. I don't ever lead women on and I don't promise anything I can't deliver. Instead, I find it's fraught with expectations I know I'm not going to deliver on. 'The beginning of a relationship should be the best part: it's when you should be just having fun and enjoying lots of sex. 'They ask why I've never been married, if I can see the relationship becoming serious. 'If I get a tick – which I usually do because I'm not bad looking, I'm solvent, I own an apartment and have a good job – there's the inevitable and increasingly obvious hints about wanting children. 'If they're older, especially, I know they are sizing me up to see whether I'd make a good father and husband. Whenever I date single women, I feel an immense pressure almost immediately. 'There are so many reasons why having sex with married women is better than sex with single women. His only long-term relationship was when he was 24 and it lasted seven months. He's been having sexual relationships with married women for the last seven years. 'Now, it's pretty much back to business as usual anyway and in person.' No-one has ever suggested it – I guess the risk of being caught is higher? Zoom sex doesn't happen with me and married women. The sex was pretty basic – we actually did make sure we faced the same way, didn't kiss and washed our hands often. 'But when it felt safe, we saw each other again. Even so, because of restrictions, I didn't see her or anyone else for six months. 'We both agreed not to sleep with other people and to take all the precautions necessary to stay Covid free. 'When the pandemic hit, I immediately went into a "sex bubble" with the woman I'd been seeing. 'When I am ready to settle, which I will be in a few years, I'll use a dating site or try to organically meet someone through friends. She said she would leave for me but I'm a romantic really and I don't want to have met the future mother of my children on a website for married people wanting to have affairs. 'They had kids and she didn't want to split up the family. She'd married young and loved her husband as friend but nothing else. 'I developed strong feelings for another woman who I saw for about six months. I tried to contact her through the site but she wasn't on it anymore. I looked over my shoulder for months after that. 'We had to call the front deck to have him removed and then got out of there as the police escorted him off. I've had one husband knock on the door of the hotel room and refuse to go away, banging on the door and threatening all sorts. 'It's exciting but it can be alarming as well. There are more open relationships going on than I'd ever realised. 'You'd also be surprised how many husbands or partners have given their approval: They're usually the older women or women who have been with their partners for a long time. Three men told Tracey Cox all about their relations with married women A lot think it's their "treat" for being a good wife or mother or putting up with a guy who doesn't treat them well or ignores them most of the time. 'Only a few of the women I've met up with feel guilty about what they're doing. 'You try not to talk about their situation at home or why they're doing it, but most women tell you anyway. 'It's a risk but no less stupid than meeting a single girl and pledging to be monogamous without ever knowing if she will stick to her side of the bargain. 'I have to be pretty sure she isn't sleeping with anyone other than her partner (though usually that isn't happening at all) and that he isn't out there s******* the world and giving her anything. 'I nearly always use condoms but I have taken STI tests and ditched the condoms if there's someone I want to see exclusively for a while. 'It's not selfish sex on my part - I make sure there's lots of foreplay and that she has an orgasm before I have one myself. 'The women are generally attractive and always make an effort: nice underwear, everything groomed down there, they're dressed up. I try to make it as fun as possible: rent a nice hotel room, have champagne on ice, sometimes we'll smoke some weed or do a little coke. 'It's got a fizz that just isn't there with relationships that are "allowed". Anyone who has ever had an affair knows what I mean. 'I'd be lying if I said I didn't get a kick out of the excitement of affair sex. I know I could pay for sex – a lot of my co-workers choose that route – but it doesn't feel right to me. 'Yes, women are up for casual sex but it feels more honest doing what I'm doing and less likely for people to get hurt. I have no time or energy left right now to give the commitment and time a relationship takes. And I don't want to lie to women just to get sex.
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